...i just need...

to be fucked.

that is all.

...lez Goe...

ive got dreams of leaving this place. understanding a new way of life. elsewhere..way out hands held tight. holding on for we dont know whats next. or instored. but who cares? we're young..and free.. and there are things to be done, fears to be tested, and children to be loved. im so ready. you rubbing my back. easing my fears. us. in a new place. new space.. new things.. and people we dont know.

this could be you and me.

what do

you say???

...for my birthday...

please order me one.

it has nothing to do with alcohol.

nothing to do with a frickin flag.

its a dope bottle.

shoot me.

...

curve

your

eyes

around me

motion my mind in a million ways

and make me believe

that

this

can

exist

hold me inside of my insecurites

place your hands

on the sacred parts of my body

lick my scars and turn them into stories

this

is

our

moment

expose the dirty parts

make me the slut that still believes in mass

confuse what we have established

make this make sense

it isnt deep

hard

long

fast

and slow

you inside of me

no words

just oral exchanges

and fingers in places my mom told me they didnt belong

kisses on my ear lobes

pinches to awake my senses

circles around my nipples

and back up to the lips that speak those words

bend over my reaction

and pull my hair into solitude

let the sweat gather and form tribal tears down my back

surrender me to my knees

i want to get to know you

then you get on yours

and try to remember why you're there

or here

on top of me

palm to neck

squeezing inspiration out of me

locking my arms with yours

hips motioned to move

rock back and forth

or up and down

you

bare and vulnerable

taking what isnt yours

and giving back what was never mine

disattach from the reality we've created

unleash the beast inside your little boy heart

claim your throne

here

in my bed

shaded

soft and subtle

there could be more

but no need

you already know me

and this picture

could never say

a 1000 words

...silence is the best type of noise...

i.
want.
these.

construction workers use them. they are protective hearing headphones- they mute everything.

its simple.

i want to experience life silent sometimes. no music. no words. no bumping horns and angry people. no depressive overheard conversations or unwanted exchanges.

i hear nothing.
i see everything.

thats is enough for me.

...i declare fuck yea...

these days........ its been about tripping as much as possible and believing in the impossible. i have been meeting some of the most beautiful creatures on this planet... in all shapes, sizes, circumstances, and situations. i forgot about this feeling, and its a great feeling.

i find that we go through so many things that sometimes we forget how to just be. well im okay, and a lot of lessons have been learned. i took a moment for silence. no glorious and fabulously acclaimed blogs, no overly inspiring twitter account [well gahdayum please follow me.. retweet everything i say.. you must know about everything i do.. etc.] mystery is key in my book and im quite okay with (you) NOT knowing.

most people feel that their approach must be so bold and bad ass- when truthfully our mere existence is what makes us magnificent. i have been noticing a lot of boasting around me, and its getting played out. im so tired of everything being a competition- life is NOT ABOUT YOUR STATUS. unfortunately im just preaching to the choir on that one. but its like cmon, i have never seen so many wonderfully talented people focus so much on each others lo's instead of motivating each others hi's.

who am i? ive never really felt like i make sense- and i dont care to.

just elevating. smoke sessions in hot tubs. kissing boys and falling in love with men. random bbq's on hazy sundays. im enjoying this new found freedom.. this growing up. shrooming has been a blast and im continuing to open up my 3rd eye whenever i want. im looking at the world differently and allowing life to take me on a thrill ride. im seeing sides of this city that i didnt know exist and im building my home in my heart. im disattaching from YOUR reality and tapping into mine. this is no agape (although the law is supreme!) this is no new found spiritual awakening, this is no sudden epiphany, this is simply the shell starting to crack a little more- and the woman that i am standing her ground a little more.

i see a lot on the horizon and i am excited. different cities every night, more awesome classes and excellent grades, apeshit loads of nu music, in the words of bri "monday night parties", connecting with great people, thrashing in 4 inch's, meeting random girls in fits, and holy celebrations on the beach. all nighters with psychedelics, challenging conversations, movies, falling in and out of love and being ok, exploring and groovy tattoos. showers when i feel like it, playing with a group of 5 year olds on the beach, karaoke bars and wurstkuche, random drives and trips up north, holding hands, amusement parks, dive bars with the boys, manicures and brilliant 4am adventures with the girls. this is about living on edge and being okay with the results. im not afraid, calling me weird is a compliment, and i always smile when i say fuck you :)

this is only the beginning......... feel free to stay tuned.

...on the verge...

of going off.
checking out.
i wish i could be more.
than i am.
help me.
oya.
ogun.
ashu.
crossroads.
lead me somewhere.
i need.
it will be ok.
how long?
im sorry.